This Is Not A Goodbye

It's been a while, it's been a week.
A week since I stopped finding roses on my doorstep.
A week since the happy smile of mine which you said you'll love 'forever', disappeared.
A week since you said goodbye.
But darling, you said goodbye.
I had just whispered a tiny 'I'll see you soon'.
It's been a while, it's been a month.
A month since our last dinner together.
A month since the now not so familiar feeling of warmth spread to each little part of my entangled soul.
A month since I lay down next to your perfect being and ruffled your hair as you slept, peacefully.
A month since the fireworks sparked as bright and beautiful as they could when you held my hand, when you kissed my lips.
A month since you walked out the home which was once ours.
It is no longer a home, you know.
It's just a house.
It's been a while, it's been a year.
A year since I felt your presence around me.
A year since I breathed in the smell of your cologne.
A year since you wrapped your arms around me when I was cold.
A year since I smiled at the voice notes you sent me.
I still listen to them, if you're wondering.
But tears are the only reply I have when I hear you saying, 'you won't ever leave, will you?'
It's been a while, it's been ten years.
Ten years since I heard you whisper into my ear while I was half asleep.
Ten years since I baked you your favourite chocolate fudge cookies.
Ten years since we sat hand-in-hand, talking about our future.
Ten years since you I heard the lovely sound of your laughter.
Ten years since you said you never want to see my face again.
You'll finally get your wish, I suppose.
But this is not a goodbye.
I'll see you soon.

//The water's clean
  But your wrists are stained
  Your face says happy
  But your eyes are pained//

Alive.

Live, like every day is your last.

I know that this is an extremely overrated and cliched one-liner, but trust me, it really is true. And you don’t get to the meaning in like, a couple of minutes. It will take time. A day for some, weeks or maybe months for others. But that’s okay. What matters is that you reach to the bottom of this and understand what it’s really about. And once you do get to the bottom of this beautiful sentence, it is a feeling of joy, pride and believe it or not, freedom. You feel free. You feel alive. You feel as if you've finally begun to understand what this world is all about.

Please, if you haven’t already given time to this and actually thought about it, do it NOW. Or if not now, then ASAP. I know, I’m just a regular teenager, but believe me, it works. It does. This is something I did, and personally, it helped me out A LOT.

You know, there is a thin line between just existing, and actually living. Live. Don’t just be another soul in this universe doing absolutely nothing and being a waste of space. You are definitely NOT a waste of space, I promise you. Really, there are people wasting their entire lives. Don’t be like them. Make your life count.

‘You are important. You do matter. You are beautiful.’

Chant this like a mantra in front of the mirror, and start believing in it. Because when you do, you feel great.

Honestly, I've gone from ‘over mature-freak’ to ‘girl-with-stupid-thoughts’ to ‘actual-human-being-who’s-alive’.

And, the latter is who you want to be. I can undoubtedly say that these past couple of weeks have been so much better for me than the past year where I was undergoing stress, slight depression, and emotional breakdowns and to summarize it, mental torture. Hell.

But now that I've stopped caring about what others think and started being just me, life's amazing. I’m actually learning something new every single day. I’m properly utilizing my time. i'm making new friends. I'm constantly trying to improve the person i am. 
Now, i'm happy.

Now, I’m free.

Lastly, I’d like to say something.

Don’t worry about tomorrow, it’s not here yet. Don’t stress over yesterday, it’s GONE. Buckets of tears are NOT going to get it back. And if you’re looking for that one person to come and change your life, take a look at the mirror. Start living. Each day. You never know if you’re going to wake up to the sound of your alarm clock tomorrow.